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Date:
2006-01-09 02:08 am (UTC)
From:
bar-bar-ella.livejournal.com
With that, he turned from his place at near the fire and left,
"at near"?
…above the running water he had pouring into the sink.
'was pouring', perhaps?
…he continued, eventually surrounding the head and sucking lightly, matching the rhythm Harry has established with his thrusts.
'had' instead of 'has', for tense.
Running her fingers up to top of the vulva,
Missing "the" between "to" and "top"?
And, he thought as pondered the morning’s activities,
Missing "he" between "as" and "pondered".
Like I said, nothing major. :)
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Date: 2006-01-09 02:08 am (UTC)With that, he turned from his place at near the fire and left,
"at near"?
…above the running water he had pouring into the sink.
'was pouring', perhaps?
…he continued, eventually surrounding the head and sucking lightly, matching the rhythm Harry has established with his thrusts.
'had' instead of 'has', for tense.
Running her fingers up to top of the vulva,
Missing "the" between "to" and "top"?
And, he thought as pondered the morning’s activities,
Missing "he" between "as" and "pondered".
Like I said, nothing major. :)