Date: 2006-01-09 02:08 am (UTC)

With that, he turned from his place at near the fire and left,

"at near"?

…above the running water he had pouring into the sink.

'was pouring', perhaps?

…he continued, eventually surrounding the head and sucking lightly, matching the rhythm Harry has established with his thrusts.

'had' instead of 'has', for tense.

Running her fingers up to top of the vulva,

Missing "the" between "to" and "top"?

And, he thought as pondered the morning’s activities,

Missing "he" between "as" and "pondered".

Like I said, nothing major. :)
This account has disabled anonymous posting.
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
More info about formatting

Profile

asimplechord: (Default)
asimplechord

April 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
1617 1819202122
23242526272829
30      

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 10th, 2025 02:10 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios