...I need someone from bandom here to laugh with me

So, I'm sitting on the sofa and MrIris is in his LaZBoy, and we're slowly gearing up for the day. Sandy, one of the felines, was on his lap, but then she hopped down and came over to me. She looked at me for a second, then turned and started marking the corners of the coffee table.

MrIris asked, "Is she molesting your shoes?" (She is a total shoe whore, and will lay on, chew on, and curl up around the pile of shoes that lives by the door.)

"No, she's abusing the coffee table."

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I had the urge to make an inappropriate coffee table joke, and snorted my coffee, and he just looked at me, like, "What? What's so funny?"

I couldn't even begin to explain why the idea of coffee table abuse was so amusing.

random fic complaint

Fic where someone wears a cockring? And the character wearing said ring is hard all day?

For safety reasons? A cockring should only be used for short periods of time. It constricts the flow of blood, just like a tourniquet. This can cause serious physical damage if left on for extended periods of time. Permanent vascular damage. That's not sexy.

Just sayin'.